So two years has passed and your ex-best friend reaches out to you after all these years – after hurting you really badly. They say that they often think about how they acted and what they did, and think what it would be like now if they hadn’t acted the way that they did and had done what they did at the time. What do you say? What do you do? This is what happened to me recently – and I am unsure what to do?
This ex-best friend lied to me, tried to control me and who I was friends with and was generally very mean to me. They also left me out of things and lied to me about doing them – even though I knew they done things with our other friend from that time – as I saw pictures of them together all the time. They sent me messages that were cruel, accusing me of things that were clearly lies and were very hurtful – therefore I was the one that said that I didn’t want to be treated this way so thought it was best we went our separate ways.
At the time I was obviously hurt and at first I missed them and the friendship we had, as we used to tell each everything and were so close. However I anticipated that soon we weren’t going to be friends, due to how they were treating me, so I was able to move on from the betrayal quicker – and after a few months I was ready to start a fresh and make new friends with other people.
Then a major event occurred which heavily effected my life for a year. As a result of this those closest to me were there for me – and I was able to see who was my true friends when I was in a time of need. This event occurring, in all honestly, made me forget about this said friend – and I hadn’t thought about them since.
There were obviously things that occasionally reminded me of them or the memories we had made together to begin with – but I really did (and still have) moved on. However them now messaging me, has left me conflicted about what I should do, if I want to try and rekindle our friendship.
I then met them the other day for a coffee – as they had said that was a lot going on when they did what they did that they didn’t talk to me about, but should have. Therefore I decided to give them a chance to explain. So we met….
And I feel the reason for them doing what they did doesn’t excuse how they treated me. Also they told the other person in the friendship group – from that time in our lives – but yet they didn’t tell me when we were closer and better friends together; so that I don’t understand as I would have thought that if they had told the other friend then they would have told me too.
Also the only reason they actually felt that they should send the message is because their sister got a message from someone that she used to be friends with, and so my ex-best friend said that if this person could send a message to their sister then they could send one to me. So does this mean that if their sister hadn’t received this message then they wouldn’t have messaged me?
I don’t know what happens from here. Do I try to rekindle the friendship- although if I am honest I don’t know if I want to, as I will forever me wary and on my guard around them; unsure about whether I can trust them?
Or do you think that this is just because I haven’t been able to re-get to know them – and so I should try and get to know them again and then see how I feel? But then if I do this I feel like I am messing them around – which I don’t want to do – as that’s unfair and mean; and I am not that kind of person.
When I told a friend about this situation they asked me “If said ex-best friend hadn’t messaged me, would I have ever messaged them?” and I replied with a honest answer of “No, I wouldn’t have” – as I wouldn’t have as I wasn’t the one that caused the friendship to break and I haven’t thought about them or missed them as I have new friends that I can trust and rely on.
I know it seems simple – as I keep saying how I haven’t thought about them and things like that – but I want someone else’s opinion. And I also want people going through similar or the same thing with a friend to feel that they are not the only going through it.
Please leave your thoughts in the comments. I will speak to you soon.
Lost in Words